This might be a good time to set the record straight about who I am, just in case you're believing something else:
- I’m easily overwhelmed, naturally cynical, prone to fixating on imperfections, and bent toward idealism and regret.
- I'm a Chinese immigrant which means learning to make sense of two cultures and deep traditions that you sometimes have to choose between. Often it can make you feel like you don’t belong anywhere.
- I don't have family nearby.
- I have a predisposition toward anger (nature and nurture) and an uncanny talent for total recall of pain and heartache.
When you put all of that together, you get a woman who (full disclosure!) doesn’t quite know how to do the holiday season without a funky mix of joy and sadness. It seems counter-intuitive for a bright, festive season, but it's often reality.
Maybe I'm not the only one? Maybe, like me, have to preach truth to yourself to replace worry.
Maybe you too have to rehearse the gospel to rejoice.
Maybe you're like me and have to intentionally choose to lean in and choose everyday worship in order to bend your heart back to Him instead of your own idols.
If you’re both bubbling over and wanting to hide for a few months at the same time, you're not alone, friend—I'm with you! Let's remember together:
- We weren’t meant to find satisfaction in any of our parties, plans, or personal strengths.
- It’s sweet mercy when we can’t survive apart from surrender.
You’re not falling apart, friend. You’re falling into the place He’s prepared and marked out for you.
Oh, may we find that enough! May the me that is most unlikely to celebrate, smile, and be still, be reminded that He made me. He's growing me. And He is right here with me.
You see, God is in the business of setting the record straight, too:
We (and the seasons we’re in) aren’t defined by our past or even our present because God transforms the RIGHT NOW as we lean into Him.
Friend, remember, He's after your heart.
Because of grace,
Thoughts from this post first appeared on Instagram on December 4.