We say we believe that God is sovereign and God is good. We say that we believe He always does what is best for our lives. And yet, we don't always respond to life's circumstances with absolute trust, submission, and peace in our loving God. I know I don't.
In fact, I can recall the past six ultrasounds accompanying the last six pregnancies. The first ended in miscarriage and the subsequent ones revealed little boys added to our family. Each time I trusted in God's plan, but each time I inwardly struggled through tears and disappointment in not getting to welcome a little girl in our lives. I even wrote a psalm about the disappointment last time with Number 5.
I share this to give Him glory...to praise Him for transforming my heart. Not only was I not prepared for this pregnancy, I couldn't imagine the Lord entrusting me with yet another boy!
But He has.
I can hardly believe it. A mom of all boys. Six of them.
And perhaps for the very first time in almost 11 years of motherhood, I feel undoubtedly PRIVILEGED.
I'm not so distracted by what I don't get to have. I'm not focusing so much on what I can't handle. I'm not willing to let others' comments affect me. I'm just too overwhelmed by His generous and surprising hand of sovereignty to get caught up in all that isn't.
I did not babysit when I was young. I didn't long for a large family as a young married woman. I limited my thinking to having one boy and one girl. And yet...here I am, responding to the marvelous transforming work of our Savior, who never leaves us to simply who we are naturally.
He's made me more. More than I could ever have hoped or imagined for in my own wisdom. He's made me sanctified-through-raising-six-boys more.
He's made you more too. More than you on your best day in your own strength, by your own wisdom. He's made you dependent-trusting-and-submittingly more in the very circumstances in your life.
How good He is.
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