I knew to tell myself this much at the start of the day today:
My greatest obstacle today is not housework, uncooperative children, not enough sleep, or lack of motivation...my greatest obstacle is actually my sinful unbelief: in who He is, in who He has made me to be, and how His glory is revealed in the marvelous and the mundane, alike. (Posted this morning via Instagram.)
But by mid morning I was believing the lies that I've rehearsed too many times before to simply be silenced by a few positive thoughts:
I can't do this.
I'll never catch up on the housework.
What was I thinking, having six children?
I feel so stuck in my circumstances.
I'm not good enough.
I can't handle one more day of screaming babies and dirty diapers.
I'm so unhappy.
I give up on...I'll fail anyway.
Lies. Lies that my brain knows, but my heart falls head-long in love over, like a teen groupie and a druggie rocker. And, I see fully why self-control is a fruit of the Spirit. I see why condemnation is our flesh's favorite default.
I see why we need God's Word, and not just a pretty mountain to climb to get close to Him, who knows our innermost. We need reminding...of the truth.
There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. For the law of the Spirit of life has set you free in Christ Jesus from the law of sin and death. For God has done what the law, weakened by the flesh, could not do. By sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh and for sin, he condemned sin in the flesh...
...For those who live according to the flesh set their minds on the things of the flesh, but those who live according to the Spirit set their minds on the things of the Spirit. For to set the mind on the flesh is death, but to set the mind on the Spirit is life and peace.
-Romans 8:1-3, 5-6
And somewhere in the middle of this weighty, tear-filled, flesh-battling-spirit kind of day, I fell asleep on the couch for 15 minutes, and awoke to this:
In case you can't tell: Those are cassette tapes, carefully adorned with duct tape. Vintage tapes belonging to a beloved old-school Fischer-Price cassette player/recorder. Artistic expression by the littles of the house. Troy's response? "What is the Lord trying to teach us, Babe?"
I assure you...I may be a difficult student, but with as many opportunities as I've been given...I will learn.
And, as my day came to an end, having spent my energy on worthless worries and persistent self-pity, I ended the night with this reflection (again posted to Instagram):
No one sets out, at the start of the day, to have a total meltdown by mid morning. For whatever reason and combination of stressors, I allowed my life to overwhelm me today in weak and ugly ways. I was debilitatingly anxious and discouraged...in spite of preaching to myself at the beginning of the day. Preaching truth to ourselves is no magic pill; it is tending to a choked out garden...turning up the soil and faithfully weeding out the thorns. It's choosing to water and wait...because finding Him faithful sometimes takes time for a stubborn heart. Thankfully, He's got ALL the time in the world.
Here's to weeding, watering, and preaching all over again, tomorrow...Fight the good fight, friends.
Because of grace,
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